Thursday, September 12, 2013

we surrender.

We have so many things happening all at once that I almost forget to stop and take it all in. I have a new job, we sign the lease to our new place on Friday and move in on October 1st. Eldon started Kindergarten and Max just hit the 6 month mark. I love change...I thrive in it.

Adaptability is the name of my game.

It is time consuming though...especially when it all hits at once.

I am so ready to just LIVE. This past year has tested all that I am. I have learned to bite my tongue, I have learned to "let go," and to lean on people when they are stronger than I am. I have learned to compromise and the most difficult lesson of all- to surrender to things that are just out of my control.

I have fought with my voice, out of sheer exhaustion, pure love, and determination for the life of my son.

I have learned a lot about the human spirit and the type of human I want to be. I have learned to be my own gatekeeper and only open it for those that have a positive influence on my life.

I have job searched, applied, and interviewed with a baby at my breast and a five year old to hush. I have trudged through single parenthood with less grace but more fight than I thought I was capable of. It is in that mudhole where I met other women, all battling circumstance, all stronger than the ones who choose to berate, gossip, and look down on. It is there that I found myself in incredible company and there that I learned to judge less and help more.

I have learned to tune out negativity and to not take it personal when people are just plain mean. Some people just are. I have chosen to focus my energy not on resentment, revenge, or fairness but instead on understanding, compassion, and gratitude.

I have learned to be honest with myself. To admit fault, to admit mistakes, and to be a better person than I was the day before.

I am still learning...but am looking forward to less of the hard way. I want to take the path of least resistance for awhile. The road less traveled was full of adventure, excitement, and lessons...but I'm ready for the shortcut. I am here. Right at the fork in the road and for the first time in a long time, the signs are clear. The direction is clearly marked and I have a map laid out before me.

I am so proud of this family of mine. We went to battle, and we won. It is time to lay down our shields and stop fighting. Struggle will reappear some day and we will always be swatting away the small stuff but for now, we rest.

To our knights in shining armor, the ones who carried us through the thick of it-thank you. You know who you are and where to find us when it comes time to build your own army.

I friggin' love you guys. Seriously.