Saturday, March 30, 2013

an unholy easter.

I grew up celebrating "Christian" holidays and just like any other childhood ritual, I find comfort in the traditions and memories that Easter brings.

Since becoming a mom, the childhood moments come flooding back as I try to recreate the excitement for my own kids and as I try to lock that magical feeling away, I struggle with what to tell them.

I shared the nativity story with Eldon last year, but didn't go into a lot of detail. To me, it's just a story and I shared it as such. One of a sweet baby and hope. Easter is a bit different because I don't want to burden his heart with a gruesome story of crucifixion and death...especially when in my eyes, it's also just a story.

I usually just tell him that these holidays are about family, love, and thankfulness.

This year though, Easter has taken on a little more significance to just feels more special.

I am finding it funny that the biblical story of Easter is one of rebirth, new life, and second chances because these are the things I find myself celebrating this Easter. I find these things in spring though...a season. My rebirth has nothing to do with the good book, simply the season and where I am in life right now.

The flowers are blooming, the sun has come back, and there is hope and promise on the horizon.

If I had it my way, New Years would be in the spring

when everything is coming to life and beginning again. When it's finally almost summer again.

Maybe it's because I am literally holding a new life to my chest as I type this, or maybe I am just beginning to see the light after 9 months of uncertainty and of waiting for the next hurdle before I feel like I can finally move on. There are two hurdles left: Max's surgery and finalizing my divorce.

Both are within sight.

Tonight there are eggs to be dyed, an overdue glass of wine, and a really impressive playlist on my parents ipod, especially considering they're my parents.

There are fresh flowers on the table and a four year old that needs to wash the sand off of him before bed, because today: we wore shorts to the beach.

Later there will be an Easter Bunny dropping magic all over the house so I can watch those glittering blue eyes jump out of bed in the morning. There will be family and BBQ and sunshine. To us, that's what it's all about.

Here, it IS about the bunny, the eggs, and the candy. And that's ok.