Friday, January 11, 2013

a name.

My issue has always been the opposite of "afraid of commitment." When it comes to major life decisions, I have a tendency to jump in head first and just expect things to sorta work out.

So WHY can't I just seal the deal and make Max, a name that I LOVE, this baby's for sure forever name?

I adore the name Max. Plain, simple, strong. Only, what if it's just not his name?

Eldon's name was chosen before we ever even thought about being parents. A family name, he is named after his Great Great Grandpa Eldo on his Dad's side. The second we learned he was a boy, he was Eldon.

I let a little bit of doubt creep in. The same worry that I am struggling with now. That I would see him, and he just wouldn't be Eldon. I had "backup" names that I kept to myself, just incase.

The second I held him, we locked eyes and my first words to him were "Hi, Eldon." He just was and is. His name seemed tailor made for him and it looks better on him every year.

and then there was Emerson.

Emerson is perhaps, my favorite boy name in the world. I pulled it out of a book I was reading during my pregnancy and no other name on any other list seemed to compare. By the time we named him though, we knew that he wouldn't be with us for long. His identity was entirely in my belly and during that time, he was Emerson. We knew that once I could hold him, he would be gone. His name only needed to suit him in our hearts and for the tiny second he was here. And it did. And it does.

So here I am. I am 99% sure that this baby will be the last one I carry. If I choose Max, that's it. There are no other "leftover" names that didn't make the cut to use for future boys. There are no other future boys (or girls.)

There are no other names that I am even debating, Max is it. If it isn't, I am totally screwed because I have NO backup plan. None.

I have been given lists and lists of awesome names...just not names that I love.

Even though I have been very clear about the fact that this baby's name is subject to change, I think I already know.

Max is already ours. He is already a person we know.

Max is Eldon's brother. Max is my son.

He is Max and I can't wait to meet him.

...and I guess he better have a really kickass middle name just incase he doesn't love it as much as we do.